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Oh. But. J-Jack knows this too? Well, don’t be offended. Excuse me, I’ll go eat this out in the hall. Wh. Oh. Hey, ladies, um, I just wanted to give you a chance to drink this up, okay? ‘Cause it might be your last chance. P. Uh, nope. Return it. Okay, yeah, chuckle it up. But it looks like my book might be getting published, which puts me on the next train out of this miserable dump. Aww, come on, Jack. You know you don’t mean that. Trust me, ladies, there is nothing in this town I’ll miss, okay? Okay. [TENSE MUSIC] Well, he clearly hasn’t been to the Toledo Zoo. Aww. Girl, he would definitely miss you. Oh, it’s fine. It’s totally fine. It’s just. it’s. I was at the zoo when a panda gave birth. Yep, I saw a little baby panda durb right out of the mama. BOTH: Aww. [GIGGLES] I can’t believe this is working. My, oh my, oh my, aren’t we boisterous this morning? Gonna need some extra shutting-up today. All right, guys, let’s focus on getting Sarika into Harvard and getting me the hell out of Toledo holding two sacks of that sweet, sweet Koontz cash, right? Now, these days, good grades aren’t enough to get into Harvard, so we’re gonna have to trick this recruiter into thinking Sarika has what she lacks most: charm and personality. Sarika, pop up. Go to the back. Face me, I want to show you something. [SIGHS] Now, you need to make a really good first impression, and that starts the moment that the recruiter sees you. So I’m the recruiter. Show me your approach, come on. This is what I’m talking about. So rigid, so closed off, you know? No. No, no, no, no. Can somebody in this room please show Sarika how to walk with confidence? Marissa? That was confident. Here we go. [PEPPY ROCK MUSIC] Okay, Victor, don’t overthink it. It’s just like breathing. Oh, okay, I’m thinking about my breathing. Oh, God. Why did you volunteer for this? It’s not your thing. Yes, this guy gets it. All right, keep going, keep going. You guys seeing this? All right, now make a left. Just go all the way down the hall. All the way down? [DOOR CLOSES] La-la ‘Sup, mama? What up, big dog? How you doing? [CHUCKLES] [CLEARS THROAT] Sweet rock and roll Dan Decker. Honored to meet you, sir. Yes, well, good. yes. Welcome to Harvard. Wow. Wow. Sarika, did you see that? Now, these recruiters, they also love humility, so why don’t you start with a self-deprecating joke. Guys, what can Sarika say to criticize herself? She’s a kiss-. Bad clothes. She’s rude. Yes, good. Yes. Okay, we have. we have a lot of good options here. All right, yeah, now, did. did somebody say she’s rude? That was me. She is rude, you’re right. This is going good, Sarika, trust me. What else, guys? [BELL RINGING] _ [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] [BLOWING NOSE] [CHIPPER MUSIC] [CLEARS THROAT] Well, hello, Admiral. Stef. Oh, I can’t wait to see you later. Can’t wait either. [BOTH CHUCKLE] You okay? Your voice is a little raspy. Oh, I been smoking. Huh. [COUGHING] I read a study that says that that can be dangerous. You been on that boat too long. [LAUGHS, COUGHING] [STRAINED EXCLAMATION] [COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT] [COUGHING] I’ll see you later. [MUFFLED COUGHING] “Oberland”.
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