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If you can get Sarika into Harvard, she’ll give your shiny new manuscript to her aunt, who just so happens to be one of Dean Koontz’s publishers. Yes, you heard me right. Dean Mother[BLEEP] Koontz. I punched it up a little bit. I’m sorry, Sarika, why am I just now hearing about this powerful aunt? Because you’ve never had anything I’ve wanted this much before. And why have Heather read it? She’s your favorite. It wouldn’t have worked if it was Marcus or Caleb. I’m the second worst after Marcus? Uh-huh. Good. This is good. This is good. Getting my book published is exactly what I need to get the hell out of Toledo. Guys, we’re gonna help Sarika get into Harvard. [DRAMATIC PERCUSSION MUSIC] [SLURPING] A fruit smoothie for lunch, Stef? [LAUGHS] So cool. Feel like I’m eating next to a fancy Hollywood celebrity with body dysmorphia. [IMITATES CAMERA SHUTTER] Uh, this is straight-up cough syrup. I woke up with a tickle in my throat this morning and I cannot be sick for the college fair. Ooh, someone’s Navy recruiter boy toy is coming in again this year. Yes, every year we have a whirlwind romance and he cleans my house. Ooh, I see. “Cleans my house” is like a sex term. Well, then I should tell you that last night my husband, Keith, Swiffered the dust under the couch for the first time in ten years. No, Michelle, I mean literally. He literally cleans my house, okay? He’s such a disciplined military man that he wakes up so early he just can’t help himself but get up and start cleaning, and if he knows I’m sick, he will not come over and start cleaning. That’s what I meant. Our house is dirty too. He’s like a strong, sexy Mary Poppins. [LAUGHS] Ooh, yes, Admiral Poppins. I’ll salute you. [BOTH LAUGHING] Ooh, careful, Michelle, you just durbed. [SIGHS] I’m. I’m sorry, did you just say, uh, “durbed”? Yeah, as in “durbing”. You know, when the stuff glops out of a sandwich. But that’s my. my name. I’m Durbin. Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. We named it after you three years ago when one of your meatball subs blasted out onto your shirt. You’ve been saying this for three years? Whoop, careful, Michelle. You’re durbing.
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