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I’ve got a huge pile of Latin translation to do. But you didn’t tell us David went to Oxford. No! I didn’t. For all the good it did me. Isn’t that funny? Extraordinary. I was just telling Jack that I’m going back next weekend. I go and visit my old English professor every now and again. See, that’s what you need, Jenny. Someone on the inside track. It’s not always what you know, is it, David? Too true. Have you ever come across Clive Lewis? Dad’s never come across anyone. He wrote a children’s book called The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe that did very well, I believe. CS Lewis. Well, to us he was just the old codger who taught Medieval Literature, but I came to know him very well. We just got along. Jenny used to devour those books. I’d love to meet him. I’m sorry, am I being slow on the uptake? Would Jenny like to come at the weekend? Oh, not this weekend, but sometime, perhaps. Yes. How often do you see him? Not very often. Every couple of years. Maybe next time. Well, I suppose… Would she have to stay the night? I wouldn’t recommend driving home after one of those Oxford dinners. Clive could get her a room at the college. It’s easy enough. Seems like too good an opportunity to pass up. It wouldn’t be a bother, would it, David? Come on! Just putting a few things in a bag! Don’t worry! Yeah, we both understand Ooh, sweet nothin’s Ooh, sweet nothin’s Come on! We’re nearly ready! Be there in two ticks. How can they only be nearly ready? I wouldn’t be surprised if three of them came out of there. It’s the only explanation. They’re making themselves a friend. Ladies, come on, let’s go! There, have a look in the corner. Open the door. You should keep that one, if you want it. One can only wear so many in one day. Thank you. What about tonight? Have you got a pretty enough nightie? Won’t I be sharing a room with you? Oh, you haven’t slept with him. No. Good for you. Really? Do you think so? Yes! Well, you’re only . You don’t want to get preggers, do you? No. No, I wouldn’t let that happen. I want to wait until I’m . On my th birthday, hopefully. With David? Oh, golly, it will be with David, won’t it? If that’s what you want. Anyway, I’ll find you a nightie. Ta-da! Mmm! Shall we make a move? Got me wrapped around your little finger if this is love It’s everything I hoped it would be Can’t we get out and have a look around? Later, if we have time. Imagine spending three years here. I know. Why are university girls so strange-looking? They can’t all have started off that way, can they? I mean, most girls aren’t born ugly, but most girl students seem to be, so there must be something about these places that make you fat or spotty or short-sighted. Well, when you look at it like that, I mean, that’s proper scientific analysis. You can’t argue with science. I still don’t quite understand what you want to do when you get here. I want to read English. Books. Sorry? You want to read English books. “Reading English” is just another way of saying… Don’t worry, Jenny. You’re wasting your breath. Anyway, tomorrow we’ll get more of a feel for the place. Absolutely. This place will be good for a little business. All those little old ladies wandering around. Old ladies? This place is rife with stats. Please explain what stats are. You’re always going on about them. Oh… It isn’t very interesting. But you two are interested. That’s because we’re not very interesting, either. Oh, no, they’re not, really. It’s true. That’s why we need you here. To save us from ourselves. Yeah, to put some intelligence and culture into our brutal lives. Sing to us! Sing to us! Please don’t make me sing for you. Please don’t make us talk about work. So, now, is he Clive, do you think, or CS? I’m confused now. I thought you made him up. No, we… Never mind. “To dear Jenny, with the pleasure of meeting you. “Come and see me again soon, Clive.’ ‘ Dirty old man. No? Mmm-hmm. We’ve got these exact same curtains at home. Let’s not talk about curtains. You look beautiful. David. Mmm? There’s something you should know. I’m a virgin, and I want to stay that way until I’m .



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