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And you got this sizzle and smell. And I was like, “No, you’ve gone a step too far.” And they’d say, “We could win it if you let us cook the bacon.” But they did win and BETH: See, bacon makes everything better. ANDY: Yeah. SIZZLING SOUND SOUND OF AIR ESCAPING GROWLING ED: I’ve got a mum that will give me a hiding. If I get a Yeah. ‘Cause I’m raised up as Samoan so got to go the way of the church, eh. Bless this place. Got to bless this place, eh. Yeah, That’s cool. What about you? Do you have a girlfriend? LOMAKS: What about me? No, there’s girls but not girlfriend. Like, they’re girls, they’re friends, but they’re not girlfriends. ED: Oh, hookups. LOMAKS: No, not that either. Hookups, no. ED: Don’t lie. LOMAKS: Don’t do that. Yeah, I walk in the night. ED: For the hookups. LOMAKS: No. ED: Yeah. MUSIC INTERVIEWER: How do you think your parents would react if they saw you as, like, zombie bride? DAVID: They would be, like, tripping out. They would be Like, ’cause they haven’t really seen me in make-up before but I know one time they did and, um, they couldn’t believe it. They thought I was a freak. But the make-up that they did see me in was quite moderate make-up, not really compared to the, like, zombie, you know, for example. If they saw zombie, you know, I think my mum would go ballistic. MUSIC SCREAMS MICHELLE: Beth was one of the pretty girls at school. Lovely blonde hair, great set of legs, looked super in hot pants. I do vaguely remember Andy at school but, you know, we weren’t close friends. I just knew of him. JULIA: He was a nerd, wasn’t he? BETH: He was a nerd. MICHELLE: Yeah, probably worked in INAUDIBLE room. MUSIC BETH: Andy and I have been married for years. It’ll be years in February. One of the things that Andy used to do for me when we were first married and for a few years afterwards was, I loved digging out thistles, it’s one of my favourite things to do and on the farm he would go and take the shoes off or take his boots off and go and run through the thistles for me so that I’d have thistles to dig out a day or two later when they’d sort of festered a little bit. DAVID: They were made for each other, I think, Beth and Andy. They just understand each other on a complex level. KISSING MUSIC AND PURRING Most guys, they don’t actually find me too attractive. You know, it’s just crazy ’cause I’ve actually got, you know, the whole thing going on. I’ve got the looks, I’ve got the personality you know, I’m a fun all-round zombie, you know, and people just don’t take the time to, you know, learn more about me. You know, it’s like judging a book by its cover, that’s exactly what they do to me. And it’s just so frustrating. It’s so frustrating, seriously. INTERVIEWER: Have you ever been in love? DAVID: No, I haven’t been in ‘love’ love. But, I don’t know, maybe one day. We’ll see. It’s easy for people to say they’ve been in love. I think it’s a term that gets thrown round heaps. But, no, I can honestly say, no, I haven’t. INTERVIEWER: What do you think is the hardest thing in your life?



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