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THE MEMORIES THAT WERE COMING BACK WERE OF ABUSE BY HIM — NOT JUST FONDLING ME, BUT ALSO RAPING AND THREATENING TO KILL ME WITH HIS HANDS AROUND MY NECK WHEN I FOUGHT. I GUESS THE SHOCK OF THE TRAUMA CRACKED THIS VERY GOOD DENIAL SYSTEM I HAD BUILT UP IN MY LIFE. I JUST REALLY WAS ANGRY I WAS ALIVE. I THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING MYSELF. I WOULD BUY MYSELF TIME, SAY, “WELL, OKAY. “THAT’S ALWAYS AN OPTION, BUT I’LL WAIT SIX MONTHS, BECAUSE I’VE GOT TO BE HERE FOR MY KIDS TODAY.” I’D ALWAYS BEEN A SUPER DOER, AN OVERACHIEVER, A NEED-TO-KNOW PERSON. AND TO BE ABLE TO SAY, “I DON’T UNDERSTAND, AND I DON’T NEED TO UNDERSTAND, AND THAT’S OKAY,” IT WAS KIND OF A CATALYST OF A HEALING PROCESS IN MY ENTIRE FAMILY. BUT IT WAS VERY SCARY. IN MY LIFE, INTEGRATING, ACCEPTING ALL OF MY LIFE IS PART OF HEALING. HELLO. I HAVE HORSES. I FOUND THEM VERY HEALING TO ME. I HAD SEEN HIM AT ONE OF MY STEP-DAUGHTER’S WEDDING. WE KNEW EACH OTHER YEARS AGO, AND HE ASKED ME THINGS LIKE, DID MY NOSE WORK? AND I LIKED AND APPRECIATED THAT, YOU KNOW? AND WHAT WAS IT LIKE HAVING BEEN BEAUTIFUL AND THEN NOT? HE WASN’T AFRAID TO TALK TO ME, TO TALK ABOUT THINGS. AND WE GOT MARRIED A LITTLE OVER TWO YEARS AGO. HIS NAME IS HAPPY, AND WE HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER. HE CALLS ME BEAUTIFUL, AND I LOVE IT. YEAH, IT IS A STRANGE TRUTH, BUT THE TRUTH IS I AM A HAPPIER PERSON. I AM MORE GROUNDED, MORE CENTERED, MORE CONNECTED AND INTEGRATED WITH WHO I AM AND GRATEFUL FOR WHO I AM TODAY. I’M WORKING WITH OTHER PEOPLE NOW AS A PRACTITIONER. I THINK THAT YOU CAN MAKE A CHOICE AND THAT YOU DO MAKE A CHOICE WHEN THINGS HAPPEN IN LIFE. OH, THIS IS FUN. I HAVEN’T JUST STOOD OUT IN THE RAIN IN QUITE A WHILE. HMM. THERE’S A GENERAL LAY SENSE THAT ALL ADVERSITY IS BAD. AND THE SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH DOESN’T REALLY SUPPORT THAT. ONE OF THE KEY INGREDIENTS TO HAPPINESS IS BEING ABLE TO RECOVER FROM ADVERSITY MORE QUICKLY. SO, IT’S NOT THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE HAPPY DON’T RESPOND TO ADVERSITY. THEY DO. THEY SHOW AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO ADVERSITY. BUT THEY COME BACK DOWN TO BASELINE QUICKLY. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS PLEASURE WITHOUT PAIN, OF WHATEVER SORT,
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