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I can’t have it both ways. No, I understand. And I can’t talk to you anymore. You can’t write to me or call me. It’ll be too hard. Ruth, all I want is what’s best. .for you and for the boys. Boy, Bernie. Boy. (SIGHS) You were my lifeguard. I thought you were gonna protect me forever. Best job I ever had. I never had to save anybody. I don’t know if it will ever. .be any different than it feels now. I don’t think after losing a child. .things ever get better. I don’t see much of a future for me. And I don’t really care if I have one. The future’s hard. Yeah, I was sorry to see that “People Magazine.” .used that photo of you and Mark when he was a boy. I can never forgive you, Bernie. And yet I’m not angry at you. I don’t know why. It’s a combination of feeling numb. .and it seeming fruitless. I don’t remember how much I got paid as a lifeguard, .but it was never about the money. DIANA: In , I invited Andrew to speak at a writing seminar I conducted at Princeton. .under the general theme of writing about con artists. Andy had just started chemotherapy. .for the reoccurrence of lymphoma. The topic I asked him to think about for the class. .was how the media had covered his father’s case. .and how that affected his life. WOMAN: I’ve always wondered, .why didn’t you go on TV and state your case? Why didn’t you defend yourself? Well, one of the reasons I’ve always felt uncomfortable. .about the prospect of going on TV and telling my story. .is that I don’t know if I’m that sympathetic a character. And at the end of the day, I lived a life of great wealth and privilege. I traveled the world. I wanted for nothing. All of that was subsidized. .by my father’s victims. It’s hard to, um, tell our story. Mark’s, my mother’s, myself. .when there are so many other stories. My brother killed himself. My mother lost the only man she ever loved, .turned out to be a complete fraud. But, you know, there were just three of us. There are thousands of victims. And, uh. Any other questions? Yes. MAN: The father-son relationship. .is such an important factor in anyone’s life. There must be some part of that relationship with your father. .that still exists. Even after all this, .can you see some point where you could visit him. .or talk to him again? My father is dead to me. DIANA: On September rd, , .Andrew Madoff died. .from mantle cell lymphoma. (CRICKETS CHIRPING) (RECEIVER CLICKS) (DIAL TONE) (BUTTONS CLICKING) (LINE RINGING) (PHONE CHIMING) RUTH’S:(VOICE) Hi, this is Ruth. Leave a message after the tone. (BEEPS) Hi, Ruth, I just wanted to. I know I, said I wouldn’t call, but I just, um. .um, okay. (DIAL TONE) (BEEPING) (LINE RINGING) (PHONE CHIMING) (LINE RINGING) (DOOR CLOSES) (CHIMING CONTINUES) RUTH’S:(VOICE) Hi, this is Ruth. Leave a message after the tone. (BEEPS) (DIAL TONE) (LINE RINGING) WOMAN’S:(VOICE) We’re sorry. You have reached a number that is no longer in service. If you feel that you have reached this recording in error, .please check the number and. (DOOR CLANGS) BERNIE: Hey, I was online today. .and I’m reading some of the old coverage of me.